Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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