we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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