I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
