she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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