Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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