but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
