i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
