2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
