Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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