Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
