Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We got so high we made milksteak
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
