the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
