I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
