if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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