went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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