and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
