So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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