So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize