My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
