I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
