i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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