i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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