you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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