hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
