I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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