Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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