Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
