Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize