He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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