i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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