he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
