Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
