I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
