a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
