Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
