I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
