I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
