Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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