shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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