party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Someone shit on the floor
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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