My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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