Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
