think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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