Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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