Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
