Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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