This is not my ceiling
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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