hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize