this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
zippers are such a cool invention
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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