i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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