i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
