my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
