Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think my mom watched the whole time
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think i have two assholes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
