morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
