You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
