Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
