Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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