Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
