So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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